Preface of Questing Confidence:
Managing My Holy Grail
Preface of Questing Confidence:
Personal Growth Through Travel
Self-confidence is gained through positive life experiences.
A baby learns by repeatedly trying a new sound or action. Discovering the reaction they get with a chuckle, and with their cries, they will play with sounds and build a repertoire. Learning to move their body with intention will help them discover they can sit, stand and so much more.
Julia, my first daughter, surprised me when she discovered she could roll over. I had left her on a blanket in the middle of the living room floor. I was unaware she had mastered rolling over. I was in the kitchen and heard a clanking sound. I rushed to see what it could be.
I discovered not only had she rolled over but she had done it repeatedly. Her goal was to get to the brass fireplace implements that were shining in the morning sunlight. She was now happily kicking them, getting great delight that she could create the noise. I picked her up and put her back on the blanket then sat down to watch. She immediately rolled over and over until she was back to where she had been. She again started kicking at the implements and squealed at the success of her achievement.
While Julia had become confident in her new skill I knew I could no longer leave her unattended on the floor. Even though she was confident, she was not safe.
Being overconfident or not understanding the consequences of our actions can lead to danger. It is a parent’s job to ensure children are kept safe while they learn new skills.
Children who grow up in a family where they are encouraged to experiment with learning will discover they can trust their own decision-making. They will understand they can make mistakes. Making mistakes is part of the process of learning. Repetition will take them from the awkwardness of discovery to proficiency and self-confidence.
Self-confident children do not have to try to be like everyone else as they have become secure in their own accomplishments.
When criticism is frequent and there is pressure to perform according to what significant others view as what is right and good, self-confidence is not acquired. In this situation constant approval is sought from others, decision-making is avoided, and fear is present. This results in low self-confidence. Life skills are not learned. Dependency is high.
People who have achieved a level of self-confidence can lose it when they are in a relationship with someone who is constantly criticizing, bullying, and passing judgement. Constant disapproval undermines the sense of Self trust.
When I wrote my first book, Questing Marilyn: In Search Of My Holy Grail, I based it on a group tour of England and Ireland. On that tour I was caught in a position where I could continue to follow the agenda set out by the tour guide or take time to do what I truly desired to do. While I was pressured not to break ranks with the group I knew meeting my own needs must come first. I trusted my Self to create my own enjoyment and adventures. I discovered who I could be when I was free of the need to please others.
As recounted in my second book, Questing France: Deepening The Search For My Holy Grail, I traveled to France with my husband who was fluent in French. I was not. He repeatedly attempted to have control over me. One way he did this was by not translating both written and spoken words. My self-confidence in France was low. I fought to be Me when I was with him.
My struggle to overcome the problems in my marriage, accept that my husband abandoned me for another relationship, and overcome the legal bullying, lies and assaults on my character, are described in my third book Questing Home: A Safe Place For My Holy Grail. Recreating my Self as a single woman, and how I regained self-confidence are revealed.
Questing Confidence: Managing My Holy Grail shares how I strike out on a solo trip to France. I test my ability to be able to enjoy two weeks of timeshare vacation touring the areas of the French Riviera near Nice, and then moving west to the Languedoc region close to the Spanish border.
On this quest I experience times of uncertainty. I have difficulty following the road signs and getting myself understood. I make exhilarating discoveries about my Self and have many joyful moments where I feel confident and self-assured, and times of deep uncertainty. I experience a re-evaluation of where I want to take my life and of my perception of who I am as a woman.
Come along with me as explore the fabulous Mediterranean coast of France. Learn ways to increase your self-confidence.
By: Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed.
Discover more about Marilyn's professional experience here.